I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
