Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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