some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
