Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
