If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
