i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
