dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
