have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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