Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i believe in u and ur pee
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
