Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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