Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
