Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
