Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
