I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
