I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
