Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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