I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
