I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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