Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
