Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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