just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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