im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
