I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This baby is an asshole
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
