if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
