I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
