you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize