I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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