We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
