we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize