I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
