Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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