Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
