a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
