omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
