Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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