had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
