Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
