Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
