how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
