I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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