Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the condom got lost in my hair
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
