OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
