I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
