just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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