one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
