My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
