I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
