There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
