i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
