if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
