is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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