How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
