I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Come on in and take your pants off
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