I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
