Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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