Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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