I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
