I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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