I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
