can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Houston, we have a blender
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
