I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
