1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
now i know why i became what i already was.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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