they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
