Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
