distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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