Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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