Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
