He uses pillows to masturbate.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
