we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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