I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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