eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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