matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
