I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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