so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
