Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
