i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize