the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im just a social blackout drinker.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
