I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize