im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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