Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
