took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize