was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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