Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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