exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
