Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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