thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
