So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
