Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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