please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
