Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
