I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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