Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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