Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
